Learning to Fly, Then Up & Flown

“If this is all so great, why do I feel so miserable?” These words were spoken by a friend whose children are the same age and genders as my own, and have followed a similar trajectory this far in life. Our older sons are gainfully employed and gone from our homes. Our younger daughters have both left for college this past week, coincidentally both to OSU. The recent flights of our children have left our homes a bit quieter, a bit larger and much emptier- making his words all the more accurate.

It’s true our children are following a “normal” path, and doing extremely well on that path. Honors students with full schedules of school and community involvement, and accolades from adults and peers alike. No troubles at home beyond the usual teenage boundary-pressing, and, being 50-something “kids” ourselves, it’s been relatively easy to stand in their shoes as we passed discipline. They’ve done all we could hope of our children, and made us extremely proud along the way. With the foundation we created, they’ve continued to build their own futures from that base and are moving forward exactly as they should- and we are as proud as we can be. We know this is The Way, and we know they are leaving with determined wings and strong roots. But those determined winged ones are striving to fly their own direction, and pulling the roots from our hearts. As they go, we fear their absence will leave us hollow and emptied.

We will not be hollow or empty, however, and somewhere we know that. This pain will be temporary, and our lives will continue. Our children will always make us proud, and will keep us part of their lives- though our part may become quite small for a while. We also know this brief respite should be time to regroup and reestablish the homestead, to learn how to be a couple again, to strengthen the love that helped our children to this wondrous place in their own lives. We know these things, and we know they will happen. Today, however, the bruising is fresh and painful- and feels as though it’s still spreading. We tell ourselves this is all good, it’s The Way, and we try to believe our words.

Another wise friend once pointed out that our children are temporary in our lives, and their need for our support and protection is (relatively!) fleeting. Our relationship with our partner, however, is the beginning and end. That relationship brought children into the mix, and must be strong to the end. The strength of that relationship is will provide support through the misery, and help keep those times brief. As I’ve seen in the joy of my Grandparents surrounded by their children and several generations beyond, that relationship also nourishes the roots of our families, and reminds the wings, no matter how far away, there is ALWAYS a home to fly back to.

Sure, I feel better having said all that, even believe every word of it. Now if I could just get my head to convince my heart, and my wife, all will be right with our world.

Life’s short, enjoy the ride!

As always, thank you for stopping by…

-mike

so long ago…

To The New Year…

I love the Christmas / Holiday season, despite the inevitable changes (mostly good, some not so…) to family and friends each year brings. I hope this year was all you wanted, the next will be all you wish, and I thank you all for stopping here and sharing your valuable time with me.
-mike

 

Reasonable…

A much wiser person recently asked me “what has happened to “reasonable”?”, and I had no answer. Man is supposed to be the most intelligent of animals, yet thinking before speaking/ posting/ doing seems to be a forgotten concept. We don’t seem to care that our actions have consequences, and some can be far-reaching and awful. We all seem to believe that what happens is due to “someone else”, never us. It could never have been a misguided thought we may have set in motion leading to such an outcome. The mirror can be an ugly thing, but it’s what keeps us honest with ourselves. We should look more often, think back on what we’ve said, read our posts from the past, and consider- was I reasonable? Am I still willing to own what I’ve said or done? Ignoring celebrity (candidates, leaders, etc…) nonsense of what is popular and “OK” at the moment, was that truly ME, who I am, who I would be proud to have others know of me? If you do or say something elsewhere you would not discuss honestly with family and friends at a gathering, maybe that’s really NOT who you are, who you want to be. Yet you still must own it, might even need to “make it right”. Others may influence or shape us, but no one else is responsible for our actions.

As we enter the Christmas/ holiday season, this year seems to have a heightened sense of anger and indignation instead of the expected peace and love. Sadly, it’s a very vocal and nasty sliver of the population that we ALLOW to push us to away from our humanity- and if you believe I refer only to radicals, it might be time to turn off the TV and glance at that mirror. The world has always been a daunting and dangerous place, and allowing others to own us and manipulate our emotions through that fear and uncertainty only drives us from each other. We all share this great blue marble, and our strength lies in the sharing, NOT the dividing. We know there’s strength in numbers, so let’s tune out the fear and nonsense, and live strong, together. Individually we begin change, unified we bring change. But to get there, we’ve got to be reasonable, folks- and the best place to start, for all of us, is probably that mirror…

Emerson, Lake and Palmer perfectly captured the Christmas season in one of my favorite holiday songs, and the final line succinctly says it all. let’s try to deserve that beautiful Christmas this year.

“I wish you a hopeful Christmas
I wish you a brave new year
All anguish pain and sadness
Leave your heart and let your road be clear
They said there’ll be snow at Christmas
They said there’ll be peace on earth
Hallelujah noel be it heaven or hell
The Christmas you get you deserve”
-“I Believe In Father Christmas”.   Thank you, Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Peace, Love, and, never forget, Hope…
-mike

“…dogs and cats, living together…”  If they can do it, so can we.

“Kids Today”, indeed- Just Like Kids of Any Other Day…

Ah, “kids today…”, that hyperbolic old saw used by adults when younger folks don’t meet their specific expectations. I‘ve been hearing it frequently of late, and I’d be lying if I claimed not to have thought, though not spoken, those very words on some occasion. Every generation has said it – even Socrates (the ancient one, not the one in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure) was believed to have said “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” Socrates died in 399 BC, so I’m pretty certain he was talking of kids more than a few generations ago. How quickly and easily we forget our youth, and, conversely, just as quickly ignore our inevitable aging. By nature we blame “kids today” for not meeting our expectations to change the world, and we blame those before us for making the mess we are in- yet we seldom look to ourselves to be the cure or cause to the effect. You’ll note I make no statement of what age group makes each example, and the reason should be obvious. At any moment, depending upon the group we are currently surrounded by, we are the “kids today”, the “hardworking contributing members of society”, or the “old folks who got us in this mess”. Now, we need to take a moment to accept our part in each and every one of those loosely defined groups, and remember…

Remember that we were all young once, and we all struggled to find our way in a world that was thrust upon us. “Kids today” are far too young to have created any of the hazards they are navigating, and already have enough to deal with trying to tame the tumult in their heads. Very few people enter adulthood with a plan, and many who do find that plan is still fraught with barriers and indecision. The plan changes, evolves or evaporates, and a new path is expected to be found quickly. As a parent and uncle of several college age children, I watch the paths of these children and their peers. I see the ridiculous amount of effort to get into college: constant homework for exemplary grades, sports excellence if that’s the scholarship path, part-time jobs to help avoid crippling college debt, required community service, and little time for leisure outside school. I watch those not on college paths already working jobs to find a skill set to hone, one that will see them through life in some sense of comfort. Once in college, my own son being my example, I see the required effort of academics, the pressure to maintain high marks to remain in school. Add to that, working as many hours as possible to cover expenses and avoid debt- at least as a much as possible with the ridiculous cost of higher education. As if that’s not enough, future employment requires that you’ve done internships, many unpaid (!) to soak up any remaining free-time one might have. Certainly no signs of laziness or entitlement here!

One more note about “kids today”: The largest number of folks in harm’s way at any given moment are, in fact, “kids today”. “Kids today” are the first responders, the cops, firefighters, Coast Guard, etc. who are young enough to still feel invulnerable, and are the first to run toward danger to save us. “Kids today” make up the front lines of our military and quickly jump, in many cases quite literally, into the worst situations so we continue to live in the best situations. “Kids today” get the dirty, dangerous, and downright crappy jobs, because those who have already tried those jobs got hurt, or too old, or finally wise enough to become “The Boss” and get themselves out of the slag- finally becoming the “hardworking contributing members of society”. “Kids today” are just that- kids, today. They’re the kids we were yesterday, and we sure as hell believe we turned out so much better than them. Why not give a bit of latitude knowing they’ll be just as good as us, become “hardworking contributing members of society”- or is it possible it’s still we might still be jacking things up, and it’s much easier to blame the newbies? Perhaps we should accept our part, and remember…

Remember that each and every one of us is aging, and, with a great deal of luck, we will live long enough to be the “old folks who got us in this mess”. Like it or not, it’s happening much more quickly than any of us might like, and to “kids today” most of us are already there. As I said, it’s all about the group you’re surrounded by at the moment. Perspective can be harsh! Being the “old folks who got us in this mess” actually comes with a great deal of new responsibility and opportunity, though, and should be embraced- but it requires the “hardworking contributing members of society” to close their mouths and open their minds for a change. Of course we caused the current messes, or we simply haven’t solved the previous messes. It’s human nature. From the first time the first humans took the responsibility of protecting the first offspring, we have done the best we can to do the best we can to with the information and resources we have at the time! Yep, we fail, sometimes spectacularly, but we persevere, hopefully adapt, and move forward. We’re all still fixing the mistakes of our parents back to the first parent. The answer lies in learning from those mistakes, not repeating them. Yet, as humans, correcting one mistake seems to lead to another. This is not necessarily a commentary on bad parenting, but rather the reminder that each mistake we correct is corrected based on something that did not work in the past, and in a changing world that mistake might not have actually been the wrong answer- just wrong at that time. We cannot know the future, so we cannot fix mistakes we haven’t made. What we can do is stop blaming those “old folks who got us in this mess”, instead asking them, with their new clarity of hindsight, what would they have done differently? They saw the steps leading up to their solution, and now they can see the outcome, good or bad- what do they suggest we incorporate into our analyses and solutions? This can be from the simplest questions of parenting all the way to global issues. The “old folks who got us in this mess” are also a fantastic resource for the world. Perhaps we should accept our part and remember…

Remember as we consider ourselves the “hardworking contributing members of society” and bark about the “kids today” or “old folks who got us into this mess”, we are an amalgam of all of the above. To the elderly who own our companies, we will always be kids, and to the kids who work for us we will always be old (no matter how hip we may try to be). The mistakes we made as “kids today” gave us the tools to succeed, and the lessons learned by listening or watching the “old folks who got us into this mess” is what gives us the knowledge and wisdom to make better decisions than we did in our youth. Keeping our minds open to the fact that we are all three groups, and many more, blended, beaten and stirred into a potentially brilliant cocktail, is what allows us to adapt, evolve and move forward on this awesome planet we call home. We’re all in this together, and we’re all working our butts off to survive. Perhaps we should accept our part and remember…

I’ve already used this quote elsewhere this week, but it’s a longtime favorite and seems an appropriate close this piece.

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you’ve got a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies-God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” – Kurt Vonnegut

Thanks for reading!

-mike

Vintage Ride

Riding a vintage bike is the joy of riding a mechanical work of art. It means short rides, mostly from lack of confidence in even well-maintained old parts, and long stops, as everyone wants to talk to you about the bike. It means a glorious glimpse of the past, and a connection with those who rode before. And it’s an intimate knowledge of one’s motorbike, as nearly every ride requires some sort of repair by the end. Yet we continue, somehow, to enjoy it all just the same…

Be seen, ride smart, stay safe and I’ll see you on the road!
-mike

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